Starduster
by Zess1827
Summary: Kuroko's pondering whether to confess his feelings to Kagami before graduation or not.
1. I tried to reach the starry sky

Inspired as I raped the replay button of my music player while it's playing Starduster (Itou Kashitarou's cover is the best:D )

This story is told in Kuroko's PoV

* * *

 **STARDUSTER**

 **Chapter 1/2: I tried to reach the starry sky**

Three years of high school were nearing to its end. As I gazed up above the darkening sky as we went to the usual downhill slope from the campus, I felt the nostalgia suddenly welling up inside me.

Unconsciously, I had stopped walking in the middle of the road, and realized that I had to face reality soon.

"Kuroko?" Kagami-kun called to me, after advancing a few steps. Somehow, he looked worried. "You're displaying that face again?"

"That face?" I was unsure what he was saying. I thought I could mask my emotions very well.

"You know, like, you're unsure about something? Uhh… I mean, you looked troubled." He said, averting his eyes to his left as he scratched his head. "Not really sure, since you look like forcing to hide it or whatever."

After hearing them, somehow, my lips formed a small curve.

Was he worried? Or maybe I was just too obvious?

Recently, I had been thinking of things like, what college I would go, and if I could pass the entrance exam and afford the school fees. However, that was just a fraction of it. Something bigger was troubling me these days.

But seeing that Kagami-kun was sincerely concerned about me, maybe, I should not really push my hopes up.

Maybe, I could just end my high school days quietly, bidding goodbye to everyone, to Kagami-kun, to the basketball I had once regained.

Him helping me establish my own style of basketball during my freshman year was the thing I was most grateful for. When I thought he would stop playing basketball with me as his shadow once our goals of defeating the Miracles was finished, he just said that he enjoyed playing basketball with me.

So, for the next two years, be it a loss or a win, we just played basketball together, most of the time with the team. During the weekends, we spent half a day in the street courts. The other half for teasing him with Nigou and eating out (or eating his dishes).

I had always taken for granted his kindness, and I probably took most of his time unconsciously. Enough that the team, or the people we know thought it was strange that we would not be together anywhere we go.

"Kuroko?" He called out again. I was thinking too long, it's time to go.

"I'm sorry, Kagami-kun, but it's alright." I looked him in the eye, and he seemed puzzled.

"You sure?" he asked. I nodded, and started walking. He followed my pace, still trying to analyze my face.

* * *

It was already a natural thing for both of us that I stayed the night at his house almost everyday. After our dinner at Maji's (or snack for Kagami-kun), things like "See you tomorrow" had stopped because we're in each other's presence the whole night and the next day. It started when Kagami-kun continuously dropped his Japanese literature grades and coach had me to tutor him. Since then, even without such excuse, I gladly ate his homemade dishes, and he would insist me that my house was far away and I should just sleep there.

It was so normal that my parents only wanted me to go back home at least once a week, and that most of my things like toiletries and pajamas had its room in Kagami-kun's flat.

"Up until now, I still don't believe how a single glass of milkshake can suffice your stomach." He said as we walked to the usual path to his house. "I think I had asked this million times before, and I just don't get your answer each time."

He looked at me, purely curious. "Well?"

"I think I have answered you also a million times before too, Kagami-kun. The vanilla milkshakes there are good."

"Then, you should just order more!"

"I don't have enough money for more." I said. "And I'm making space for Kagami-kun's dinner."

That's it, he looked away, embarrassed. "Whatever. What do you want tonight?"

"Curry."

"'kay."

* * *

As usual, I spent my time in the living room reading a book while he cooked in the kitchen. Today, however, the words in the novel I was reading just didn't register in my mind and my eyes just landed in his form.

He was cutting something, then, he was stirring something in a casserole. He was wearing a simple black apron as he cooked. Soon, the aroma of a curry was starting to spread in the room.

My eyes suddenly saw the calendar in the room, reminding me that I only have three months left.

Three months only.

And these peaceful days would end.

The fragrance of curry somehow became unpleasant.

After three months, I would not go be able to go back here anymore. I intentionally chose a university in Kyoto, as Akashi-kun had suggested to me when he heard I was taking a major of my choice. He also kindly provided me list of apartments I could choose when I decided to actually go in that campus. My parents had already approved, so there should be no problems.

I had not told Kagami-kun of this, and I had lied to him I was going to a university somewhere near Tokyo. I really felt bad.

I did not know why I had to lie. I just had to. And he trusted me too much that he had not questioned further.

I just wanted to get away from him. Three years was enough. I don't hate him, no, it was the complete opposite. Such emotions, I am very aware, was not normal, not accepted by the society. I tried telling myself it was just because we're in each other's presence all the time, or I was just mistaking my emotions of friendships for him as love.

However, do friends really stick with each other almost 24/7? I heard the Hyuuga-senpai and Kiyoshi-senpai were the best friends, as do Kawahara-kun, Fukuda-kun and Furihata-kun, but I never heard of them staying in each other's house almost everyday.

After our championship against Rakuzan two years ago, Kagami-kun, titled as the MVP became enormously popular in the school that most of the girls just called out to him. Before, he was labeled as the "rough American returnee", but afterwards "The cool MVP of Seirin basketball." As his friend (probably, at the time), I was glad that his impression from people had changed, but at the same time, a little bit lonely that he had more time for other people than me. It was some selfish thought at that time that I never told anyone, and I was grateful that my face never revealed anything.

His immense popularity lasted for so long. We used to each lunch together, and for a week, I had to eat alone. It was one time that I ate by myself at the rooftop when a panting Kagami-kun just sat beside me, leaning in the wall while catching his breath.

"Sorry, let me rest for a while here." He said in between his breaths as he wiped his sweat. "Becoming popular in a Japanese school is scary."

He finally lay down in the floor. The cool spring breeze passed by, and I saw his red locks being swayed in one corner of his forehead.

"Yup, this is still the best." He told himself.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Being with you. It's still the best. It's just peaceful."

That was when it probably started.

And up until now, such feelings were never lost.

I read or heard before that if you do something you really love all the time, one day you'll just get tired of it. I thought it would also work if you love someone. It didn't.

This is hard.

Very hard.

Three months left, and I'm still thinking.

Before, I told myself. "I would tell him my feelings by graduation."

And now, I'm becoming a coward.

Suddenly, the smell of curry attacked my nose. I didn't realize that Kagami-kun had already finished cooking and had served two plates of curry in the table in the living room (that's where we eat).

"Lately, you're spacing out a lot." He said.

This is bad.

I saw his face. He looked worried. Sincerely worried for me. As a friend. Only as a friend.

I wanted to cry.

"Are you feeling bad?" he asked, and then he put his hand in my forehead. "But you're not hot. You have no fever."

My eyes were starting to gather some tears.

Without thinking, I suddenly stood up, looked away. "I'm sorry, Kagami-kun. I have no appetite. I…think I miss my parents. I want to go home."

I got my bag, and exited his house. I knew it was a rude thing to do, after he cooked for me. I just left him hanging, when he was actually considerate of me.

I am a terrible person.

* * *

I ended up in our usual street court, and I saw a rugged basketball in the corner. As I walked to where it was lying, and picked it up, I realized that I had probably worried Kagami-kun more. Tomorrow, he would probably pester me with questions.

As I held the basketball in my arms, I felt the need to cry, but I could not.

The tears in the verge of falling a while ago had dried up as I ran away from his home.

I tried playing basketball, like usual, like when I was practicing some new drive. Today, however, I could not find any will to.

I just sat in the corner of the street courts, my back leaning to the fence.

Looking up, I saw the thousand stars forming different patterns in the sky. They glowed amidst the darkness of the sky.

I wished I could just somehow escape in this life. I wished to the stars to remove these feelings, so that I could look at Kagami-kun normally. I even wished that maybe I should have not met Kagami-kun at all.

It was becoming unbearable. I wished this was just a dream.

I folded my knees near my chest and there, I rested both my head and my hands.

And I found myself crying.

"Kuroko! Hey, don't sleep in this kind of place! Damn it!" I was woken up by a vigorous shaking from the shoulders of someone.

As I lifted my head, the shaking stopped, and I heard a sigh.

I felt a heavy weight in my eyes. It was swollen. Maybe I was crying the whole time before I fell asleep.

It was already morning, judging by the yellow light in the floor.

Then, I felt a strong impact in my cheeks.

The person kneeling in front of me just punched me. It was Kagami-kun.

His eyes looked tired and he was still panting. He looked pained, and definitely angry.

It was a given, because I just left him last night without explanation.

I did not punch back, even though that was what I usually did. After all, I deserved it.

"Fuck you! If you a problem with me, you don't have to resort to lying to me and then sleeping in a place like this!" He yelled, and I just kept me face in the ground. "Hey! Listen!"

As he lifted my face for another jab, he forcefully looked at my face.

And then, he put away his hands, and his shoulders became slumped.

"Were you crying this whole time?"

I just nodded.

"Why were you crying?"

I shook my head.

"Is it because of me?"

I could not answer with any gesture. It was him that was making me feel like this, but definitely not his fault.

"Kagami-kun." I voiced out, and looked at him. I held him in his both arms, and he looked confused. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Kuroko—"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry…"

And there were tears again.

This is pathetic. I'm becoming a crybaby.

"Kuroko, tell me, what's wrong?" he sounded so helpless.

I should just probably tell him. Sooner or later, my feelings would probably leak anyway. There was no escape with this from the start. I should just stop blaming anything else.

Kagami-kun was very kind to me. If I were to tell him my feelings, I hoped he would never reject me in a rough way. I hoped he was still willing to be friends with me.

He was very gentle, totally contrast to his frowning face. He knew how to cook very good dishes, and he was very passionate about basketball.

"I lied to Kagami-kun." I began. "I have decided to study in Kyoto, not anywhere in Tokyo or nearby."

"I wanted to run away from many things, that's why I lied. I apologize."

"What else?" He asked, his voice indifferent.

"I…" I gulped. This is it.

I suddenly remembered a song I heard one day. It was about someone, fearing that his beloved will hate him, escaped somewhere far away. I thought I related to the song very much, but right now, I decided not to. I should face reality, like how I did back in middle school.

"I…never thought of Kagami-kun as a friend."

I let go of his hands.

He looked dumbfounded.

I chuckled internally. Of course, he would. The person who you thought was your best friend all along actually harbored impure feelings, anyone would get shocked.

"So, I was saying, it's like that. I planned to tell in graduation, but it's becoming unbearable."

"If you want to stay away, it's okay. My feelings are disgusting to any straight guy. This is probably a goodbye?"

I tried smiling.

I tried very hard.

But after all of that, I felt tears dropping again.

I thought I had let out all these tears last night.

And then, he left me alone in that place.

* * *

I have two endings in mind - one happy and one sad. Which do you prefer? Please tell in the comments!


	2. I reached the starry sky

Note: I'm sorry for the inconsistent tense in the last chapter! I'll try my best in this fanfic.

I don't think I can actually put into words my planned sad end. I cannot just imagine Kagami hurting Kuroko in any way(even in canon), so here's something on a bit greyish side.

This is written in Kagami's PoV.

Enjoy!

* * *

Lately, Kuroko's been acting weird. He is not a talkative person in nature, but he has been talking less and less, and more than not, he will space out in the most dangerous places. He was almost hit by a bike, and if I were not with him at that time, he might be injured by now.

Whenever I ask him what's wrong, he has only one reply. "I'm alright."

He's not a person who will tell you outright what his problem is, and I have learned that during my first year. He only opened to the team by the time we're against Rakuzan. He did not specifically tell us that "I'm sorry I cannot trust you from the start because of my experience from my middle school." but even an idiot like me was able to decipher that through experience.

And by "opening up" does not actually mean he has learned to rely on his teammates. He is still has his reservations, and I just have to accept the fact that he's a reserved person by nature.

Considering that, I learned to read his emotions through facial expression. So far, I think, I have succeeded well.

These days, I begin to doubt myself again.

"Lately, you're spacing out a lot."

I know he has been staring at me while I cook, with some painful expression.

Just now, he looks like his secret was busted.

"Are you feeling bad?" I ask him, since his face looks contorted. I touch his forehead, and he is not warm at all. "But you're not hot. You have no fever."

For some reason, I can tell he wants to cry. He is trembling too much. Is he afraid of something? Did I make him uncomfortable? Damn it, is the smell of curry not good? I begin rummaging my head for answers, because a Kuroko who wants to cry, or actually crying is something I have never seen in my life. (I'm sure he cried when we lose against Touou, but he hid his face well)

Then, he suddenly stands up. "I'm sorry, Kagami-kun. I have no appetite. I…think I miss my parents. I want to go home."

He's lying.

He's avoiding me.

But why?

Why?

He runs towards the door, and I cannot help but be puzzled to what has happened.

* * *

I also run outside, but I cannot find him.

I went to Seirin, to the park, each of our teammate's house, and even Touou, but Kuroko is nowhere to be found.

 _Damn you Kuroko! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Show up, damn it!_

I look at the clock. 2 am. I know that at that time he was lying, but maybe he really did go back home.

 _He better, damn. I'm sleepy here, and I just want a good night in my bed._

With that idea in mind, I rush back home and contact his house. I don't care if I will disturb them, because my intuition says something bad. Damn it, I want to apologize in advance if I can!

"Hello?" there's a lethargic voice of woman on the other end of the phone.

"Hello, this is Kagami Taiga. Is Ku- Tetsuya home? I'm really sorry for bothering you tonight."

"He's not here. Doesn't he usually stay with you? Oh my, is he missing?!" a frantic voice.

And I realize that my intuition is right.

"Kuroko-san! I'm sorry, but we had an argument! I'm going to search for him!"

I immediately hung up, and run outside, bringing a jacket.

As I go place after place, I try to think where I haven't gone.

 _Street courts_

As soon as I thought of that place, my feet just dragged me to it.

By that time, the sun is starting to rise. 6 am.

I found Kuroko curled up in one corner of the court, leaning into the fence.

"Kuroko! Hey, don't sleep in this kind of place! Damn it!"

I shake him as hard as I can, and my head is already full of worry and anger and hunger that I don't care if this is hurting him. As long as I can make sense of what is going on with his head.

He finally let some movement, and looks up, but sunk his head between his knees again.

Something snapped in my inner control.

My fist just moved toward his right cheek.

Usually, he will reply with a jab in my ribs, but he is unusually docile.

Still pissed off, I just let my mouth speak on itself.

"Fuck you! If you a problem with me, you don't have to resort to lying to me and then sleeping in a place like this!" I yell, but he just kept looking on the ground. "Hey! Listen!"

So a single punch is not enough to wake him up?

You want another one huh?

Using my left hand, I forcefully lift his face by raising his chin, and my right hand is about to land another impact when –

His eyes are red, swollen, obviously tired.

I suddenly remember why I run out of the house to search for him. It is not to hurt him, but to ask him what's wrong so that I can help him solve his problem.

And now, I'm acting on my emotions and hurting him.

What the hell.

I'm such an idiot.

Dropping both my hands to my sides, I look at him. He looks lethargic, probably because of sleeping in such a place, but his usual poker face is now displaying some indescribable grief.

"Were you crying this whole time?"

He nods, but not looking at me.

"Why were you crying?"

He shakes his head. _What?_

"Is it because of me?"

He remains motionless, and then, he begins trembling.

"Kagami-kun." He finally speaks up, but his voice is hoarse and softer than usual. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

 _Why are you apologizing?_

He starts to repeat "I'm sorry", and I can't help but think I've done something wrong. What? He did not agree when I ask him if it was my fault, and I cannot recall him doing something worth apologizing for.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Kuroko—"

"I'm so…sorry… I'm…hic…"

 _Shit! He's crying for real!_

I'm totally at loss what to do. I just found myself also shaking, helpless.

"Kuroko, tell me, what's wrong?" I try to sound as gentle as I can. Something's wrong.

Is he actually apologizing at me? Or at someone else who's been bullying him? But no, he's with me practically all the time.

Both his hands touch my arms. It's very cold.

"I lied to Kagami-kun." he slowly say. "I have decided to study in Kyoto, not anywhere in Tokyo or nearby."

"I wanted to run away from many things, that's why I lied. I apologize."

 _I know. Akashi informed me for some reason. I also tried asking you why, but you don't answer._

"What else?" I know there's more.

"I…"

His face is looking at the ground again, and he is taking his time too long. However, he wants to convey something, so I wait patiently.

"I…never thought of Kagami-kun as a friend."

 _What…?_

 _So what have we been…_

"So, I was saying, it's like that. I planned to tell in graduation, but it's becoming unbearable."

"If you want to stay away, it's okay. My feelings are disgusting to any straight guy. This is probably a goodbye?"

 _Huh!? Wait. This is turning an unexpected twist._

 _Is he saying…_

 _Huh…but wait…_

 _Why are you smiling bitterly?_

 _Why are you crying?_

 _Why …_

 _Stop it… stop crying, shit._

I found my hands searching for a handkerchief. I just want to wipe off those tears, because I cannot take it that Kuroko is just helplessly sobbing in front of me, when I'm here, still processing in my mind what just happened.

Wait, the piece of cloth is missing! _Shit!_ I remember I put it in my jacket I tossed a while ago outside the court when I saw Kuroko!

I leave the court for a while, and pick up my jacket.

When I come back, he has not budged a little bit from his position, and is still visibly trembling.

Is he possibly cold?

I covered my jacket into his back, and I see him twitch.

He looks at the jacket before lifting his head to face me. "Kagami-kun?"

"Stand up." I hold out my hand to him. "Thanks to you, we're probably skipping morning class."

He accepts my hand and did as I told. Kuroko looks so small in the jacket.

"Why…are you still here? I thought you got disgusted and leave me…"

 _Ah…_

"I just left my jacket outside! Here, a handkerchief! Wipe you tears."

He just holds at that piece of cloth while still shaking. Seriously…

"And about your feelings for me… They're…they're not disgusting."

Somehow, I found myself doing the favor of wiping his tears of. He has stopped shaking, finally.

He looks evidently puzzled and confused.

"And about the school, coincidentally my mom placed me in the same campus as yours. We're still probably gonna run with each other every now and then."

There is a very long silence.

"Hey, say something. I'm the one becoming embarrassed here."

I feel a hand in my palm.

"Can I hug you, Kagami-kun?"

Wait. What…. What?!

He is looking straight into my eyes, and I cannot help but feel shy. Shit.

"I… see. I'm sorry. My feelings might not be disgusting, but touching a guy is. I'm sorry."

"No! I'm… I'm just embarrassed okay. I'm totally fine with the hug. It's totally fine."

A pair of lithe arms reaches my back, and his face is buried in that portion of the shirt right above my chest.

As I realize that I'm sharing body warmth, something echoes within me.

Something tranquil, peaceful… something akin to that.

As if my body has been used to this… yeah, this just feels so natural.

I just let both my arms do embrace him as well.

The sun is rising, and from the corner of my eyes, I see people wearing the uniform of Seirin in the road starting to gather up.

But, instead of bringing the topic to Kuroko, who looks contended right now, I just let the moment pass by.

"You know, Kuroko, I'm gonna rant okay?

I never let any of our teammates alone in the apartment with me beside you. And I spend most my time with you. I think I have never cooked for someone as frequent as for you. So, I guess, I like you to that extent.

I'm not sure if I like you the same way as yours, but it's enough that I want to continue living with you in college.

If you're okay with my half-assed feelings, well, yeah.

I'm sorry, too."

"Yeah, thank you." He replies.

I feel my shirt becoming soaked, but I did not care. From his way of crying, I know he's glad.

* * *

We both skipped all the morning class, and decided to show up in school after lunch time. For some reason, no one was surprised that it was us together that did not go to the campus at that morning, and that both of us show up at the same time.

Since third years had already retired after we lose the championship round of Inter High, we just occasionally go to the gym. Today, we decided to go and have some practice. The second-years and the freshmen looked ecstatic, and asked both of us to teach them some skills. By the time we had finished, it was already six in the evening.

As usual, we ate snacks at Maji. By the time we exited the fast food, Kuroko invited me to the park.

Now, we reach the deserted park since the kids usually playing here were already fetched by their parents. Kuroko sits in the swing, and I occupy the other one.

He starts swinging, while looking above.

"There is this song I liked. The person singing told in his song that he took 'solo flight to the stars ten thousand years away' because he feared that that his most precious one would not love him."

I listen to him, as he stares at the sky above.

"Whenever I look above and see the stars, I always thought, maybe I'll become that person one day."

There is a hint of loneliness in his voice.

"But I'm glad I confessed. I did not end up becoming that person in the song." He looks at me with gentle eyes. "I'm…really happy."

He flashed a smile, one of his rare smiles at me, and I cannot help but blush.

I never thought of any guy as cute, but Kuroko's probably the only one.

I found my hand patting his head, while he continuously smiles at me.

* * *

I hope it's satisfying. I cannot really write the sad ending, forgive me :(

Please review!


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